This is not the same as getting everything right, and doesn’t include always knowing the answer. Being a heart-centred guide means we show-up, listen deeply and offer the best support we can in that moment. We exercise patience, setting the intention to empathize with our child, rather than undermine them. We take responsibility for our own actions and emotions and consistently ask our children to do the same. By releasing shame and blame, we are parents who respond rather than react.

As parents, we know our buttons are going to get pushed. Don’t take stuff personally. Remain as objective as possible. Understand that we are essentially relational beings — we need to experience the world together. Sometimes that gets uncomfortable. One of the most powerful things we can offer our children is to be fully present to them and their concerns, despite the inconvenience to us, or the distractions of that moment. Let them know you hear them, and don’t stop communicating — they hear you. Be proactive during the easy times. Empathy and humour help us navigate the sometimes bumpy road of parenting.

So often we take responsibility for our children’s experiences, seeing ourselves primarily as solution-finders instead of explorers. When we approach every situation with a ‘cup full of answers’, there is little room for growth. Instead, consider being the gentle observer: take a keen interest in your child’s life and what inspires them without judgment. Open the door to unique interactions and the opportunity to be guided by the synchronicities of life. Curiosity leads to wonder and an appreciation of the mysterious within the everyday.

It’s easy to slip from our role of human-being to one as a human-doing, to parent by ‘staying on task’ and ‘getting things done’. We can be tempted to constantly look for evidence of success, or to seek guarantees, before moving forward. Looks can be deceiving when our children struggle (socially or academically). Remember they’re not broken. Nothing’s wrong. Trusting means we let go of the external goal — what looks really good on the outside — and our judgment of what doesn’t look so good. Real trust takes courage, and with courage, we more readily trust ourselves, teaching our children to do the same.

It’s easy to slip from our role of human-being to one as a human-doing, to parent by ‘staying on task’ and ‘getting things done’. We can be tempted to constantly look for evidence of success, or to seek guarantees, before moving forward. Looks can be deceiving when our children struggle (socially or academically). Remember they’re not broken. Nothing’s wrong. Trusting means we let go of the external goal — what looks really good on the outside — and our judgment of what doesn’t look so good. Real trust takes courage, and with courage, we more readily trust ourselves, teaching our children to do the same.

It can be easy to show compassion for a baby in need, or young child in distress. As our children grow-up, and behave in ways that challenge or hurt us, it helps to remember their path to adulthood is unique from their perspective. Our child’s struggle may look similar to everyone else’s, but each step along the way is new to them. Consistently caring for our children means showing kindness even in the face of the most challenging emotions. Our most powerful parental asset is to be a model — demonstrating self-compassion by reliably taking care of our own needs.

Defining success as flawlessness closes the door to possibility because perfection is the enemy of creativity. When we’re truly ‘in the flow’ of life, failure becomes another word for opportunity [to learn, grow and expand]. Staying focused on what your child is, instead of what they’re not, empowers them to see the best in themselves: see their uniqueness and eventually they will see it too. Help them make choices from that position of strength by embracing the tough times that serve you and your child’s growth the most. We judge others harshly when we judge ourselves: demonstrate acceptance by releasing your own self-criticism.

We can’t fully know another person’s truth, even when it comes to our children. Respect the way in which each of us needs to experience the world; recognize your child’s struggle is not yours. One of the most difficult things we will ever do as parents is bear witness to our children’s pain. When times get tough remind yourself, “change is inevitable”. Focus on the path, not the destination.

No effort is ever wasted, no experience without learning, no trial without growth. Appreciate the little things: moments of connection, peace, awareness, pleasure you share with your children. Be thankful also for the challenges, obstacles, difficulties and delays as they grow. Recognize that ‘pain is inevitable but suffering is optional’ — we suffer when we struggle against who our kids are becoming, rather than appreciating it. Seeing the value in every experience and being grateful for it, helps us move through our day with grace.

Childhood is fleeting — most parents feel “it all goes by so fast”. And yet, when that parenting road gets rough, change can be a welcome companion. Knowing that all things come and go — sounds, sights, tastes, feelings, interactions of all kinds — life becomes increasingly precious. Savour this moment.